On my own volition and guilty feelings, I was compelled to tell my ecclesiastical leaders that I was gay and had been having relations at a park at the west end of 500 south in Provo. I had been a stellar student and believed with my soul that the church was true. I needed to tell my leaders what I had done. I went to a meeting with my BYU ward. Both counselors were still undergraduates at the Y. There was a scribe writing down everything I said. The questions could’ve stopped at: Did you have relations with men at this park? Which I would have answered yes, and be prepared to accept the consequences. I truly felt I needed a period of repentance in order to atone for what I had experienced. My bishop wanted to know if the transgression was oral or anal: as if it made some sort of difference. He then asked amongst fellow undergraduates if I had swallowed the semen, to which I answered no. He asked me if I enjoyed anal sex (all-the-while a scribe was jotting notes). This is my biggest fear: do they have physically written records of my admissions on file? I, on my own accord left the university. I left angry and bitter. It’s also why I haven’t had my name removed. It wouldn’t surprise me to have the church uncover these admissions to my family in the case I tried to separate myself from the church. Is that possible?
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