When I was 4-8 years old I was molested by a neighbor kid. I remember being sick to my stomach, afraid to fall asleep at night for fear that I was going to hell. Right before I turned 8 I started getting really bad stomach aches and wouldn’t go to school. I was afraid of my upcoming baptism. I knew that I wasn’t worthy. My parents took me to the doctor and he told them I was faking it. I was so stressed. I didn’t tell the bishop in my baptism interview (who was my dad at the time.) I remember when I was being dunked in the water, that it didn’t count, because I didn’t tell my dad that I was being touched. I knew that I was going to hell. It plagued me for years.
When I was 18 a co-worker invited me to his house to watch a movie. He gave me a drink… then nothing… I woke up next to him… naked. I didn’t know what happened. I had no idea if I had sex or not. I didn’t even remember kissing. It was blank. I felt so much guilt I went to the stake president to tell him what happened (I lived with the bishop and felt uncomfortable talking to him). I told him about not knowing what happened, that it was just blank. He got really mad, slammed his fists on the desk and told me that I should be excommunicated. He had a disgusting look on his face and lectured me about being easy. I felt so much shame. It wasn’t until later I realized I was probably drugged.
I would also like to mention that my step-grandpa raped and molested my mom and aunts when they were little and then did the same thing to their kids years later. When it all came out, the bishop told them to not involve the law that he would take care of it. His punishment was 1 year of not going to the temple, but my mom / aunts / cousins are forever scarred by this man. His punishment doesn’t fit the crime. Mormon church needs to change the way they do things. Shame on you.