I’ll keep this short because I’m happy to have put the LDS church in my past. When I was 16 years old I was raped and impregnated by a 20 year old male acquaintance. I blamed myself. Based on the lessons regarding modesty and sexual morality at church, I concluded I must have done something to tempt him, or perhaps I was out too late and forfeited my right to the protection of the Holy Ghost as promised me at my baptism at 8 years old. I pleaded with God to help me during the event, obviously to no avail.
I learned I was pregnant shortly after and went directly and shamefully to my parents. They sent me to the bishop who doled out my punishment of having the sacrament withheld and being banned from speaking or offering public prayers until the baby was born (do the men who father children get this same term??).
This experience haunted me and destroyed any sense of self worth for 15 years. I was a licked cupcake, a chewed piece of gum, a board with permanent nail holes in it despite the atonement removing those nails.
To make matters far worse, I was convinced no worthy priesthood holder would ever marry me and therefore my son could not be sealed to me and would be eternally unsealed to me or any family. My fears for my dear baby and self-worth wear manipulated to the extent I relinquished my rights as a mother and chose a “worthy” LDS couple to be his parents. The bright side is that I have an absolutely wonderful relationship with my son today, I’m free of the LDS religion and alongside my husband have been successful at removing and protecting our 3 younger children from the abuses of the LDS institution.