So in light of the current trend, here is one of my stories.
This is not necessarily a story of abuse per se, but of my paranoia to be worthy and how it affected my health.
Like any teenage boy, I masturbated. Growing up in a super TBM home, I didn’t need to talk to my bishop to know that this was “wrong.” Eventually I felt so terrible, that I ended up confessing. I didn’t want my parents to know, so I set up the meeting myself.
The interview was pretty standard (god that’s gross to say) with your typical “when do you do it, what are you thinking about, how often do you do it, etc” questions. We talked about what it’s like to “not have the spirit” and the “side affects” of sin.
(Now, it’s also important to know that I had been having stomach issues for the large majority of my life. Any time I ate, I ended up in the bathroom.)
I told the bishop about my stomach issues and he chalked it up to god’s way of punishing me for sinning. I totally believed him. In my mind, my sin was so grievous and serious, that god would physically punish me for my wrong doings.
Through the rest of my teenage and young adult life, any time I got sick I chalked it up to worthiness. I didn’t seek doctors or anything, just read my scriptures and prayed more. The guilt was incredible. It didn’t matter what I was doing, I still got sick. I deduced that I just must be an incredible sinner. Just one sin after another. This carried on through my mission, my temple sealing, and into my adult life. Any time I was sick, I would plead with god to forgive me, and promise to do better next time.
About 4 years before I formally resigned, I finally saw a doctor. Turns out I have IBS (irritable bowel syndrome). With some diet adjustment and meds, I’m mostly pain free. I spent my whole life with this pain, thinking it was all my fault, when if I just would’ve gone to a doctor I would’ve been fine.