I thought I just couldn’t remember things clearly. I questioned myself. I thought I had heard the questions wrong.
But I didn’t
Sixteen and alone with a man of authority, my heart rate picked up and I stumbled over my words as he asked me if I got sexually aroused when I was around boys. Then he asked if I knew how I’d know if I were aroused, and proceeded to ask if “my panties get moist”.
Yes, that did happen. I’m not crazy. It has haunted me…the scared feeling in my core of knowing something was wrong, but scared to run away from the danger. My father was just outside the door. Did he know? Did he know I’d be asked these uncomfortable questions?
I was 16 and going to the temple to perform baptisms for the dead. He said if I didn’t answer to his liking, he wouldn’t let me go. I’d be the only one and people would talk about me.
So I told him yes. I get moist…and then I went to the temple, donned a thin white gown, and was pushed under the water repeatedly while strange men stood around the railing above, and boys from my ward sat on the bench….all of them watching.
I’m all grown up now. The second I had a daughter, I removed my name from the records and haven’t ever looked back.